just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My ass is underappreciated
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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