i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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