ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
