Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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