It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
