meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
