4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
