just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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