Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
