I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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