Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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