he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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