Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
