you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
