Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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