Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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