Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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