Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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