We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
