Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
