this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
