I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
