You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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