You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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