Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
