You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
