ya dads aren't the best wingmen
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
