We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
