I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
