why didn't you poke me back
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
