the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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