good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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