You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
