At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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