Pregnant stripper...not hot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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