I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
