I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I won the penis lottery.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
