oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
