Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
