What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
