how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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