I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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