How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
