$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
