I'm eating all of the evidence.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
