I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
