hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
