Who did Billy Mays play for?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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