Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
