you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
