Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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