My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
