Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
