i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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