Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
