i permit you to call me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
