the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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