I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he thought i was a dude.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
