How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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