Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
