someone threw a dead crab at me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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