Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
