im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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