im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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