was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
