I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just invented taco cereal.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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