i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
