Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
