i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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