I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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