You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
