Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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