my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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