I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
